So far so good…

Without wishing to jinx this, I’ve actually been feeling quite happy since Saturday morning. 3 days of having energy and being even slightly happy is something of a rarity, so I’m enjoying it! It’s been so long since I’ve managed to string a few days together, it feels alien, if not slightly uneasy. If you know what I mean?

Part of it has to do with helping other people. I love helping people, so any opportunity that I get to listen to other people’s problems, use my “wisdom” or to pass my opinion on something is always a bonus to me. It makes me feel wanted and that I’m important enough that someone wants me to help them. Some people find this hard to understand, as they feel like they shouldn’t be burdening me. I see it like this: someone actually values me enough to ask for my help and it takes my mind off my issues. This sense of worth goes a long way with me. Who doesn’t like being asked their opinion and giving it, right?

I’ve also found that a couple of songs have been important in the past few days. One in particular has been stuck in my head and has given me so much “Raaar” that it prompted me to write a post about my top motivational tunes. Watching the music video to it increased its power too, so I’ll share my findings shortly.

Having said that, it could just be the weather… hello sunshine!

Make hay while the sun shines

It may seem intuitive to some and logical to others, but it’s something that we are all guilty of from time to time.

How many times have we felt good and thought, I don’t need to write anything good, or write some motivational notes – I feel a bit better, let’s do something else instead. Until that is, we fall back down into our darkness and have nothing left to remind us of the brightness that we briefly glimpsed.

It’s therefore important that we all write / record something positive when we’re feeling (even a bit) better, not only because it’ll help to lift our mood and give us some hope, but because you won’t feel like doing it when you’re feeling bad and that’s really the time that you need the most help.

Some ideas that I use include:

• Writing an email to yourself, saying why you’re great, what you’ve achieved, what you’ve accomplished, what you’ve come through, how far you’ve come. Tell yourself that you will succeed and you will be happy. Tell yourself that you are great and that you can do it.
• Record the first idea (above) on your phone  – or video it and then play it back to yourself – see how positive you can be! There’s also something powerful about watching yourself telling yourself that you can do it.
• Getting your motivational playlist together (for ideas see my post about the power of music)
• Make a plan of what you want to achieve / do / see / visit
• Have a look at how to make life plans and set personal goals. There are many websites out there to do this, but I find that Mindtools is good.

On the days when you’re feeling low, you will then have an army of resources ready to give you some hope, encouragement and motivation. Not all may work at the time, but one just might make that little bit of a difference.

The power of music

One of the things that  I return to time and time again on my quest for happiness, is music.

I’ve discovered two distinct types of music that help me out

1) Classical music

Now some of you may sneer at this, but there’s something about listening to an orchestra, or even a solitary piano (not opera, but choral is good too), that captivates and sends that shiver down your spine. I tend to listen to the up-tempo or spine-tingling music when I’m driving. The sense of being in your own space, enjoying the music has turned my mood on its head more than once. I tend to listen to more relaxed classics when I’m in the bath. I spend an hour or so with it on in the background and let my mind wander. I find that it helps me to process things that I’ve been stuck on, or am dwelling on. Plus, classical music has been found to naturally boost serotonin and help with feeling low. By the time I’ve finished my bath, I’m usually feeling more relaxed, less stressed and anxious, as well as having more of a path in my head.

2) Motivational or inspiration music (any genre)

Here I’m more concerned with the lyrics rather than the type of music. Any song that has a message that makes me sit up, take note, tingle my spine and make me feel like going “RAAAAAR” goes into my “Keep Going” Spotify playlist. I then play this playlist a little (and sometimes a lot) each day to try and get me out of my tunnel or to boost my mood even further. I feel that keeping a playlist is important, so that when you feel down, you have something immediate to hand that you can try.

I can quite honestly say that these two have more than kept me going over the past few years. Each have their own strengths and weaknesses, but used in combination, they can be a formidable force.

Male friends or male “friends”

I’ve repeatedly had the same patronising advice from many different men, over many different years, about my male friends; they’re only friends with you because they fancy you.

Now this may sound odd to some men, and even some women. But the fact is, I KNOW. I am not as naieve as you think, and I do not appreciate your repeated comments about leading men on by being their friends. From what era are you? The 1950s?

The problem is, that yes, men do generally want to be my friend, usually at first because of how I look (I’m hardly supermodel status, but I’m not bad) and they may care little about what I have to say. Only when they get to know me do they see that I’m actually rather knowledgeable about certain things, and a great listener, a motivator, etc, do they tend to become actual “proper”, appreciative friends.

So, with this knowledge that I actually DO have,  I then have to decide whether I WANT to keep those men as friends because I enjoy the intellectual conversations that we have, or the fact that they understand me. I usually make it clear that I don’t want anything but friendship, yet I’m still considered to be leading them on because I meet up with them, chat to them or invite them to my house. God forbid, I’m a person having an intellectual conversation with another person and I happen to get on well with them. Why must sex always come into it?

The part I find most patronising, is that my feelings aren’t even taken into account by these “friendship advisors”. It doesn’t matter whether I enjoy my male friend’s company and conversation, what’s apparently more important is that I should be looking out because they’re only talking to me because they want to get me into bed. So, what they’re saying is that what I look like, and whether a guy fancies me or not, is more important than what comes out of my mouth. Afterall, men are fickle and think with their d*cks, so that’s the main reason that they’re talking to you, not because they find you interesting, or funny…

So please, men, keep these opinions to yourself. Women do not repeatedly need to hear the so-called advice of “open your eyes”, “I’m a man and I can see this clearly” or “I know better”. Women are generally better at reading body language than men, but you feel free to tell us what we already know. We’re in control of whether we actually take that friendship further, and you know what, sometimes we just might want to. Sometimes we also become friends with someone because we fancy them. But that’s none of your business and we don’t lecture you about your friendships.

I’ve never told a male friend that a female is their friend only because they fancy them. I wonder how many do. Somehow I bet it’s very few.

Before I begin

I’d just like to say that I’m writing this blog for me. Well, 99% for me. I’m using it as a cathartic experience to get out everything that needs to be said, even if no-one else reads it. If someone does read it, then fair enough. If I manage to help anyone, or anyone can identify with anything I write, then that’s even better. That 1% is a bonus.

I’ll be telling my story, interspersed with present day happenings, positive and motivational solutions, as well as random annoyances that I (and I’m sure many more) face everyday.

So, it’ll be a bit of a jumble; please forgive me.

Hello

This is my first post. One of many I’m sure. I have a big story to tell and a journey still to be part of. Hopefully it’ll all be good.